Here there be dragons...

"I'm telling you stories. Trust me." - Winterson

Flash Fiction 16: An Exhausting Night

hahaha so a bit of a deviation from my usual style. I'd be curious to know what you think!

As always - thanks for reading :) Enjoy!

An Exhausting Night:

Dinner was late. Again. And the stupid pet kept trying to steal my food, one paw swoop @ a time. Really. Civilized creatures shouldn't have to put up with such behavior.

The door to the outside was shut again -- a suggestion that I should stay in for the night. But that's something pets do, and I am not a pet. So I jumped up and hung off the door handle and it opened easily. I left it open behind me so I'd be able to get back in later.

I darted out into the shadows between the house and the bushes and paused there, deciding what to do next. First drink, then food. There's a mini-human in the house next door who left perfectly good milk out on the porch. I got up and helped myself to a drink, but had to leave quickly when the mini-human opened her door. The first time I was so absorbed in the sweet milk I let her come outside. That was a mistake I'll never make again. Spent the night trapped in that prison of a house being chased by not only her but three other mini-humans who if they caught me would squash me, or pull on my tail, or carry me around -- sometimes even upside-down! How undignified. And their door had one of those round handles not meant for paws. I couldn't get out. Had to hide until morning and dart out with the big human. Never again. So now I drink what milk I can and leave.

After my thirst was satisfied I warmed up with a quick dart up the tree. I wasn’t really trying to catch those birds of course – if I wanted to, obviously I would’ve. I just wanted to make sure they didn’t get too comfortable in my tree.

I hopped out of the tree, landing lightly and stalked across my yard. A simple leap landed me on top of the fence, which I paraded along to the complete frustration of the pathetic dog that lived in the other yard. Outside all the time and could never figure out how to open the gate. I vanished into the next yard just as I heard his owner open the door to yell at him and force him back inside. Mission accomplished. You’d think one of these days he’d be smart enough to keep his mouth closed. But then, we’ve already established he’s not the smartest critter on four legs. With him gone I was free to enter the yard and eat the remains of his dinner. Way better than mine. And I wasn’t forced to share.

I left his yard and began the long hike across town. Had to stop to avoid the obnoxious drivers who clearly didn’t understand that I had right-of-way. Was not amused at that. Chased a mouse, but it let it go when it turned off my route – after all, I had more important things to do.

And then, I was finally there. But the door was closed – no way in. I prowled around. A leaf blew in front of me so I pounced on it in frustration. And then I backed off and crouched down waiting for it to move again. When it did, I was ready. Caught it mid-air and batted it all around. The wind caught it and carried it up, but I was ready for that escape attempt and quickly climbed up the tree to catch it on the top branch. But as I did that, I saw it. The open window, not even five feet away. There wasn’t even a screen to claw through. An easy leap. I crouched down and wiggled my hind muscles in preparation for the jump, but then I paused. Was the window really open enough for me to fit through? It would be really undignified to hit the window and fall. That would be stupid pet behavior. And I am not a pet. But I wanted to be inside. I lowered myself, prepared, and leapt!

And of course I made it in no problem. An easy jump for an expert such as myself. I casually licked the sap off my front paws and made my face presentable before heading into the depths of the house. I listened carefully; if the people heard me, they’d throw me out. But they had long since gone to bed, so I was free to explore.

I was silent as I searched the house, and finally I found her. All curled up, asleep, on the softest of furs. I huddled down and pounced. A rude awakening perhaps, but she rebounded quickly. The two of us chased each other around the house with no thought of the noise we were making till one of the people yelled. Quickly we crouched backwards in separate directions. She paraded out where she could be seen, tail high and fluffed, and the human realized his mistake. Who was he to yell at one as brilliant as she? The human slunk back into his room, clearly ashamed at his behavior. She came back and rubbed her scent against mine. And really, the rest is absolutely none of your business.

Far too soon it was time for me to leave. Going out the window was far easier than coming in had been. I was feeling pretty proud of myself as I hiked home. And was glad that this time the car understood that it had to get out of my way, although I was rather puzzled that it chose to go up the curb to do so. Such a loud and unnecessary noise. Foolish driver. I avoided the dog’s home; the food was gone and he’s no challenge to my intellect, so why bother? Besides, it’d been a long night and I was tired.

Finally get home to see they’d closed the door. The door that I’d purposely left open. I was not amused. I howled my frustration but they failed to respond in a timely manner. Stupid humans. I was forced to lurk around my own home until one of them left in the morning. I stalked by, refusing to acknowledge them, making my annoyance known. They sometimes have to be reminded to show me the proper respect. At least she remembered to give me my gourmet snacks. I have her well trained to feed me every time I deign to return.

I climbed up to my room and was pleased to discover they had done a decent job of preparing my bed for me. The blanket was nice and flat, all stretched out and ready to be kneaded into the perfect position. It took me a moment or two to get it exactly perfect, and I was finally able to relax. Leave me alone now; it was an exhausting night.

Sherlock, after an exhausting night.
The photo that inspired the story.


You know, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if this were the thought process of an actual cat. :-) Great profile/adventure story!


Dogs have owners.

Cats have servants.



"I wasn’t really trying to catch those birds of course – if I wanted to, obviously I would’ve. I just wanted to make sure they didn’t get too comfortable in my tree."

PERFECT! lol cat attitude.
Thanks for sharing.
Karen :0)


Oh my gosh, I could swear this is how our 3 cats think too :)
Great story!

And lovely photo :)


Post a Comment