Here there be dragons...

"I'm telling you stories. Trust me." - Winterson

Everything to do with . . .

"I found the diary she kept the year she was pregnant with me.  'July 17th. What a night! We danced on the beach, and we kissed on the beach, and dot, dot,dot.'
- What?
'Dot, dot, dot.' That's what they did in the olden days."

hahaha credit to the script writers of Mamma Mia for that one. Love that line :) And now, if you didn't before, you should get the title...

So yes, after the Pat Burgess clinic got cancelled (booo! But hopefully Pat's doing okay! Had to have a hip replaced -- a whole lot less fun than teaching riding I'm sure. Especially with Lexi there to provide the entertainment ;)  Anyways -- that was sure to provide all sorts of an entertaining post, but since it was cancelled, I had to find something else to write about.  So Chris and I ventured to the Everything to do with Sex Show.  Yup.  It's a thing.  Heard it on the radio.  Admittedly have never been before, but figured it was worth a go.

Took place at the Direct Energy Center, and when we arrived we immediately noticed there were two separate audiences.  Sure enough, two different shows.  The one we were attending, and a zoomer show.  Zoomers being the portion of the population over the age of 45.  And, admittedly, the show seemed to target those greatly over the age of 45...  But what really made me laugh was a sign on the door as we entered -- our entry would also get us into the zoomer show.  hahaha woohoo!  Am a little curious how much business that earned them. And, conversely, if they had the same offer on.

So as with any trade show, there were lots of booths with people selling things, some food, one seminar room that we didn't end up sitting in on, several stages of what was theoretically education or entertainment but really a thinly disguised sales pitch, and one stage that was purely entertainment.

The first thing we noticed was the surprisingly large number of people who seemed to feel this was a clothing optional event ;)  Which in itself would be fine, but I'm curious as to how they got there -- I'm not entirely sure the average weekend afternoon GO Transit passenger would be okay with it.  And, well, it's not entirely warm out!  Some were clearly employed at the show, so fair enough.   They also tended to be the ones who could pull the look off...   Unfortunately many of the others...  *shudder* What has been seen cannot be unseen...   But hey, at least they have a strong sense of self confidence.

For lack of any better idea, we headed over to the entertainment stage first.  The MC I could definitely have done without, and the time killers in-between acts were so ridiculously juvenile it was painful to watch.  But the actual acts were surprisingly good.  They seemed to alternate between targeting the female audience and the male -- and we caught one of each.  The male dancers were first and clearly felt that once the show was over there was no need to get redressed as we continued to see them wearing nothing but their undies wandering around the show for the afternoon.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is a bad thing ;-P   I was just a little surprised by it.   On the flip side, for the guys was a burlesque act that was quite well done.  When we saw the ladies after they were far more dressed than their male counterparts.  Admittedly in costume, but a start costume rather than an end one.   I'm sure that says something about society, but honestly I was just there for an amusing afternoon so I really don't care what.

So then it was time to hit up the booths.  You know what would make this show a lot more fun?  Applying the premise of the One of a Kind Show.  Because honestly, the fastest way to make anything boring, even dot dot dot, is to repeat the same thing over and over and over.  Which is essentially what  the vast majority of the booths did.  There were, however, a few that stood out.

There were at least two booths selling Sexy Surprise.  Sealed bags you couldn't look in.  I only spoke to vendor at one of them (and she was by far the best of the sales people I spoke to that day) but their premise was they would guarantee the overall value of the bag would be at least double the cost and that it would include certain categories of things.  But what, exactly, was a surprise.  Now my very logical and rational partner did not seem particularly interested in this concept.  After all, why would you spend money on an unknown when you could go buy exactly what you want in any one of the dozens of other non-one-of-a-kind booths?  And he's completely right.  But I, on the other hand, am a complete sucker for surprise, mystery and adventure.  And that little black bag potentially held all three!

Have you ever read the "What If?" story?  It was a favourite of mine in junior high...Doing this from memory here so forgive me if it's not, in fact, perfect ;)

What if life were perfect?

What if you lived in a perfect world
of perfect people and perfect possessions
With everyone and everything
Doing the perfect thing
At the perfect time?

What if you had everything you wanted
and only what you wanted
Exactly as you wanted
Precisely when you wanted it?

What if after living in this perfect world
for the perfect length of the time
You started to feel that
Perfection is a perfect bore.

What if at precisely that point
You notice for the first time
A button marked as "Surprise"

What if vou walked over,
considered all that may be contained
in the concept of "Surprise"
and decided "Anything is better than perfect boredom"

What if you took a deep breath,
Pushed the button...
And found yourself exactly as you are right now
Feeling what you,re feeling now
Thinking what you are thinking now
With everything in your life precisely
The way it is now
Reading this blog and wondering
What if?

Okay so I might've added the last two lines, but the rest belong to somebody else.  Would you push the button?  Cause I'm definitely that person ;-P  And credit to Chris, when he saw I wanted one, he waited very patiently in line with me and completely refrained from any commentary ;)   I wanted the mystery -- it's the same reason I don't cheat and look at Christmas presents.  It's fun to wonder.  And because of that there's no way I'm telling you what was in that bag.  You're welcome.

But credit to them -- by selling a surprise and an adventure rather than a specific toy they differentiated themselves,  And as a result got the sale.

The second group of booths that distinguished themselves were the ones coming up with grown-up games for childhood toys.  Hula hoops, swingsets, bouncy balls...   What items from your childhood have you corrupted?  Are you brave enough to post in the comments? ;-P  For the sake of my innocent childhood, I'm going to forget I ever saw these.  For the sake of my entertaining adulthood, maybe I'll let them stay in a corner of my mind.  In my world, those two things can, in fact, coexist.  Surprise!

The last group of booths that stood out were those that really didn't fit in.  Arguably if they got together with the guys from the last group they could be corrupted in such a way as to fit in ;-P  But they weren't even trying...  Skydiving, paintball, pinball machines...  So random.  Amusing, but random.

Would I seek it out?  No - been there, done that.  Wasn't terribly exciting which, given it's topic, should've been   But would I go back?  Sure, if I had nothing better to do.  It was a moderately amusing way to kill a few hours.  And one that could potentially lead to significant future entertainment.  So why not?

Ironically the one thing I did find that I love was not actually about sex, but rather romance.  Of the g-rated, pre-dot-dot-dot, Disney princess style romance.  You know, the sweep you off your feet, embarrassingly cliche type of romance that you scorn in public and yet secretly hope for?  Yeah - that.  It's a series of cards -- half for him and half for her -- and the premise is that you take turns drawing one each week and then follow up on it.  And they're scratch cards, so you can't cheat and see what the other person has in store for the future ;)  Not that I'd do that of course (were you here a few paragraphs ago?).  Alright, maybe I'd peak a little -- a year is a LONG time to wait.  But now I can't, so it reinforces mystery.  If C chooses to play of course *g*  Also a mystery.  You'd have to read his blog to find out about that.  But to give you an idea -- the first one I looked at said something about "write down three things you love about him.  Hide them around the house for him to find through the week."   See what I mean about cheesy?  But who here, of either sex, wouldn't love to find those?  So my question for you is -- and not rhetorical this time, you can answer in comments or fb post -- any of these:
What's the most romantic thing you've ever done for somebody?
What's the most romantic thing anybody's ever done for you?
What's the single most romantic thing you wish somebody would do for you?
If there's enough response I'll compile stories (with or without names as you wish) in another post.

Have fun :)