Here there be dragons...

"I'm telling you stories. Trust me." - Winterson

Whenever you think you're having a bad day, just remember... some people have babies.

So it turns out a domestic goddess I am not.  Who's surprised by this?  Anybody?  Awww comeon....

hahaha and those of you who can identify and are looking for a light read -- The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella is reasonably entertaining.

Some of you may be aware I've recently moved to Paris.  No, not the exciting one that'd give this blog a whole new fun twist, the one that Weather Network doesn't even know exists in Ontario.  Whose sign at the edge of town reads "Home of the ".  Yup, that's right, it's blank.  Oh dear.  hahaha I'd take a pic but, you know, it's a good 45 second drive away.

Anyways -- I'm trying to settle here and having a whole day off with the place to myself, I figured instead of going to the barn I'd stay and organize, and just generally try to make things feel more like home.

It started out incredibly well!   As in I slept a *solid* eight hours.  Unheard of.  And woke up relaxed and happy.  Sweet.  And then I made my first mistake...  I got out of bed.  I had a book and a phone; I could've stayed there all day.  And it would've been wonderful.  But alas, I deemed productivity a better option.  Right.  About that.

Came downstairs to discover the couch had been turned into a beach.  Which would've been amazing if it meant we'd been magically transported somewhere tropical.  Unfortunately what it really meant is that Sasha brought the outdoor ring home from the farm.  Oops.  I even gave her a bath last night!  If she had that much sand in her left after the bath, can only imagine what would've happened if I hadn't bathed her.  So yes, the couch was completely covered in sand -- not a light sprinkling either, you could make castles out of this stuff.   And the floor had a fabulous exfoliating quality to it that it generally lacks.  Oh dear.

First task -- vacuum.   Np.  Like most boys, Chris enjoys his toys -- even the mundane work-related ones, and as such has a pretty top quality vacuum.   Which did an awesome job on the floor.  And then didn't want to release the hose to let me do the couch.  Boooo.  And being A - not mine, and B - likely more money that I'd be inclined to spend on a vacuum, I deemed it best not to force the issue.  And so the entire stand-up vacuum got loaded onto the couch to eradicate the beach.   The kinda awkward you'd see on a bad romcom *sigh*   But it did, in fact, do the job.   Score: Laur 1, Inanimate object: 0.

Let Sash back in the house and she curls up on the couch while I putz around making breakfast.   When she comes to see if I'm inclined to share, I discover...  Not a beach exactly, but a definite sandbar.  Poor puppy has to have another bath -- possibly her least favourite thing ever.  And I got to vacuum the couch a second time.   So. Much. Fun.   Let me tell you.   And Tucker had a huge temper tantrum when Sasha got a bath.  Barking and growling in serious attack mode.  Seriously dog?  You *really* want me to throw you in the tub too?   So random.

But now only part of the house is clean.  Which makes the rest of the house look really bad.  Argh.  Toss on some laundry and while that's going clean more.  Definitely not what I was aiming for with my day, but sobeit.  Plans change.  In my world they change more often than they play out ;)

Cleaning the kitchen and the stove is disgusting so taking the various pieces apart to clean.  Let me tell you, people may mock my microwave and telephone style of cooking, but my stove *never* gets dirty!  Significantly easier to keep a kitchen clean when you never use it ;-P    Anyways, lift off the burner protector (I'm sure that has a better name) and a huge piece comes off that, well, I'm pretty sure is not supposed to...  hmmmm Try to put it back on and it won't attach.  I can see how it *should* attach, but it's just not inclined to co-operate.   Gas stove.  Don't think I'll play that game.  Score:  Laur 1, Inanimate object 1.

Anyways -- with things a little less sandy, and slightly cleaner, I could start organizing.  Go to put up a picture...  And promptly knock another one -- that's actually my favourite -- to the ground.   Glass everywhere.  *sigh*   Score:  Laur 1, Inanimate object 2.   Get picture hung with minimal difficulty.  Add buying replacement glass and rehanging the original photo to my list of things to do.  Score: Laur 2, Inanimate object 3.

Okay so list of errands:  deposit cheque at bank, drop mail in mailbox, pick up some things at the store -- I even had a list!  Lists are good.  Especially on days when the inanimate objects have a chance of winning.  And now get new glass for frame.  And I got smart and brought the frame *with* me.  Score: Laur 3, Inanimate object 3.

Walk to town.  Yes seriously -- I slept through my morning run remember.  And town is...  Well not quite the size of Paris ;-)   Carrying my mail, phone, wallet, and keys.  The world is good.   Until I get to the bank.  Ummmm did you notice the cheque was *not* on that list.  Fail.  Score: Laur 2, Inanimate object 3.   Ah well, stupid should hurt.

The store actually had everything on my list!  Woohoo!  But, that unfortunately was counteracted by the fact that the photo store was not open.  Seriously.  Welcome to Paris.  Apparently they don't open on Wednesdays.  So random.  On the plus side, I also discovered an ice-cream hole-in-the-wall (literally, like a drive through window for ice cream).  On the down side, it was also closed.   Boo.   So just considering that a net zero on the score chart.

Actually remembered to detour and drop the mail off!   Normally that wouldn't be worth a point, but today I'm scrounging ;)   Score: Laur 3, Inanimate object 3.   Get home, still a little bummed about the picture frame fail and decide the porch needs to be swept.  You'd think I might've figured out by now that today is not a good day for domestic tasks?   But apparently too much sleep makes me stupid.  So sweeping away, reasonably productive, until I move something and come up with my hand covered in sap.  Ugh.   Score:  Laur 3, Inanimate object 4.

Giving up on the great outdoors, manage to get stuff put away all good, and decide to attempt the stove again.  This time after just a little fiddling it went back into place.  Woohoo!   Score: Laur 4, Inanimate object 4.

And I deemed that a good time to quit ;)  Will attempt another trip to the bank shortly, but for now I'm going to just pretend today hasn't started yet.


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