Here there be dragons...

"I'm telling you stories. Trust me." - Winterson

In hopes of being on a warm beach in Feb...

Alright so as those who follow the blog already know, I was grounded from any form of activity all summer.  From the middle of June through about 2 weeks ago, I was allowed zero exercise.  As a result, I sadly find myself horribly unfit.

So I started researching various fitness options.  The gyms around either didn't work with my schedule (tricky given full-time at the bank, teaching two evenings/week, and spending weekends in Paris) OR were insanely expensive.  Less cool.

I have a variety of fitness aps on my phone, a few of which I quite like, but none of which are likely to help me create serious change.  Online I had come across P90X and was considering it.  I had double concerns though with the number of reviews that basically said it's impossible, and the likelihood of me actually committing an hour every day (+++ since that doesn't include cool down, stretching, or shower afterward).   My days are pretty booked as is -- that may not sound like a ton, but it adds up fast.  And I'm disinclined to start something I figure I don't have a hope of succeeding with.

Then I was chatting with Nicole -- who's in awesome shape these days -- and she told me she was doing P90X3.   As in they took P90X and P90X2 and combined lessons-learned to come up with a 30 min condensed version.  Hmmmm 1/2h I can do...  So I googled and while much of the feedback still said the workouts were impossible (basically an hour condensed into half an hour) people were finding it easier to complete the program without the massive time suck.

So alright - seems good!   Except that I couldn't lift a 10lb weight, do a single push-up, or run more than a block.  Fail.  So I spent two weeks getting at least a base level of fitness there -- look at me being responsible ;)   See, it happens once in a while.   You know, before diving into the insanely intensive 90 day workout period when I'm the least fit I've been since uni.   Side note -- I bitterly resent being old; I should NOT have lost so much fitness in such a short time.  *mutter mutter*

Okay so feeling about ready to go -- there are three schedules you can pick from.  One for building mass, one "classic" -- whatever that means.  Lots of muscles I think.  And one titled "lean".  There are actually a few others as well, but they're clearly for insane people so I didn't even bother to read them.  I was leaning toward the lean one (*snort* sorry, couldn't resist) but at least took the time to compare it with the classic one.  Lean has more cardio, classic more strength.  Fair enough, but since improving cardio is also one of the key goals, I figured that was a win all around.

Alright so good to go.  I print of the program -- it starts on Monday.   A different video every day -- with the same 7 videos repeating for three weeks.  The fourth week is a complete mashup of videos, some the same on different days, some new ones.  Then the whole thing repeats with a different set for the next month.   So I figure for the first week, I'll blog how each day is going.  Then let it go for a while, cause it'll repeat for two weeks.

Come along for the ride or not, you've been forewarned... ;)

The end of a chapter

So just to finish off the story for the curious – Lexi has been sold.   Her new owner seems to be pretty much exactly what I would’ve been looking for if I’d thought through the “having to sell her, who do you want to buy her” process.   New owner lives in NH, has a small riding school, has ridden prelim level, and her previous horse is retired on her farm living out his life (she sent me pics, he’s in great condition).   One of the things I really liked was before she and I were in communication, she sent Christina pics of her farm and asked that they be past on to me.  Such a little silly thing, but no matter how much you try to be logical about the whole situation, emotion still creeps in.

It was, possibly, the fastest sale I’ve ever been involved in.   Friday I found out how long it’d be till I could ride seriously.  It took me till Sunday to commit to selling her – at which point I told Curtis and Christina.   Curtis and I spoke on Monday to discuss pricing, positioning, etc.  By Tuesday, they had cleaned her up and taken pics as well as putting together a video.

Seriously, she was not much less scruffy than this when I sent her to them ;)
Either Tuesday night or Wednesday am they started posting the sales links (I saw it mid-day Wed).   The first person came to see her on Wednesday.   Then Curtis called me Wednesday evening – apparently there was a fair amount of interest in my girl (of course!  How could there not be?   Although admittedly she was also priced to sell quickly).  They had one person already in, one lined up for Thurs, two for Fri, and one for Sun.  BUT, a lady had called from the states offering a significant non-refundable deposit to hold her till Sat.
Hmmmm okay.  So we accepted that and when it cleared we cancelled all the in-between people.  At least one of the Fri people was a pro, so I was reasonably certain they’d at least return if it didn’t work out.  The Wed people also were interested in a second try but we pushed them off until after the weekend.

So then on Thursday, the potential buyer had her vetted – which she passed with flying colours.  Thurs evening I got a call that they were just going to buy her.   Without even coming on Saturday to try her.   Apparently the new owner’s passport was expired, so she decided to purchase her based on the video and conversations with the vet and with Curtis and Christina and her parents would come pick her up.
Now this was right before Thanksgiving weekend – they discovered they wouldn’t be able to take her across the boarder on the long weekend, so would come get her on Tues.   She wired funds on Friday – but of course, long weekend…

Both Curtis and Christina asked me if I wanted to come and say goodbye.  I’m not good at goodbye, and was having a harder time with her going than I’d expected to.  So I opted not.  But part of me was sad about that too – I was afraid I’d regret it, esp as I wouldn’t get to see her again given where she’d be going…    But then Curtis offered to make the barn be empty when I came – which just epitomizes how awesome they’ve been to deal with about everything.  So I took them up on that, and Chris and I stopped in on the way home from Thanksgiving at the cottage.  Chris kindly vanished somewhere while I groomed my pony for the last time and fed her a bag of carrots.  I took her for a bit of a walk and enjoyed the sunshine with her.   Still makes me teary.  And then I left her, happy in her stall, and away we went.

Tues the parents came and watched her be ridden with intent to drive home on Wed.  By Tues @ lunch the funds hadn’t cleared yet so I wasn’t sure that’d happen, but by Tues evening we were good to go.  Wed morning I got a text that she’d loaded well (no surprise) and they were off.   That evening I got a message from her new person that she’d arrived safely.   And a couple days later, that she’d enjoyed their first ride (complete with pics).

So there you have it.   Lexi is rehomed with her new person in what seems to be a great home.  And I am now horseless.  And admittedly not dealing with that entirely well.  But such is life.   Logically, it was the best possible solution to a less fun situation.  Emotionally?   I need a new hobby – fast.

The decision's been made...


Doesn't she look impressive?
It's not often that I waiver on a choice, but what to do with Lexi has been hard for me.

Lexi is the only horse I've ever taken along really slowly.  hahaha now admittedly that was more due to circumstance than any great growth in maturity on my part, but the end result is a really nice 7 yo horse ready to take on the world.
Our first ride - look how dark she was!
And in what should've been our first season of real fun, an abrupt stop was inserted due to eye surgery.  Frig.  Okay well, it'll be a few weeks right?  Sucks, but not a big deal.  Right.  You're not new here.  Three surgeries later...   And - I *am* allowed to ride again.  Woohoo!  BUT, I can't risk a fall until I'm 6 months post-surgery.

The day we learned she could jump ;)
Right.  Now yes, I acknowledge anybody can come off any horse.  Stupid things happen.  But we must admit, certain horses and certain activities increase the likelihood of that.   And anything I'm going to enjoy riding or even just training at the level I'd be asking Lexi to, runs a legit risk of something stupid happening.  And I know myself well enough to know that "take it easy" isn't a skill I'm good at.  It's kinda an all or nothing thing.

It soon became clear she was all for XC
Alright so six months -- that means spring.  Maybe I could just wait it out.  Or send her to to Florida, so she'd come back with some competition experience and fit and ready to go.  That'd be so much fun for me :)   Esp as Curtis agreed with my assessment that she'll make a legit one-star horse with no issue.  And that's a goal I *really* want.

On a mission at her first E level show
And then I clued in -- I still have another surgery.  6-12 months from now.  So the being able to ride seriously will be 6 months after that.  The worst.  And, as always, it came down to the numbers -- I can't afford to support a horse I can't ride for 12-18 months.  And so, I finally made the official call.  She's going up for sale.
She is the suckiest, most people-friendly horse I have ever owned.
Curtis and Christina are going to handle the sale -- makes it a little easier.  One, I'm awful at sales.  Two, I'm not convinced I want to sell her (I feel I *have* to as I can't justify keeping her, and I won't change my mind on that, but I definitely don't want to).  The videos they send me just show me how nice a horse she really is, and how much potential.  Other than a handful of students, I've never seen anybody ride her.  I see her and think "wow, I'd love a horse like that!" -- yeah, I'm not likely to get that lucky again :(   Was such a fluke that I got her in the first place.

Loping over PT XC combo with absolutely no effort or concern
But such is life.  And mine, at the moment, has to be dedicated to doing whatever it takes to ensure I can see.  Because, well, blind sucks.   I've permanently lost my peripheral vision in that eye; I'm not okay with giving up the part I have left.  So being a responsible adult (stop laughing) she is now for sale.

The day I found out I couldn't ride any more, I had planned on a jump school.
Instead, I gave Kennedy a lesson on her.  So much fun to watch!
This blog started entirely to document adventures as a working student for Denny Emerson.  I'm not sure where it goes when there are no horsey adventures to write about.  Suggestions for the next hobby? ;)


After several months off, she's starting to get fit again. Thanks Curtis and Christina!

When Plan A doesn't work, you still have 25 more letters

So this weekend I found myself doing something that even six months ago I could never have imagined.  Paying somebody else to ride my horse.  I'm used to being on the other side of that coin ;)  But having come to the realization that it could be months before I can ride again, I've sent Lexi off for training board till Dec.  At which point I'll either sell her, or be able to ride again :)

After dropping Lexi off though, had one of the few really nice days of the summer.  We were about half way to Collingwood, so Chris and I went the rest of the way there to pick up some more coffee (Ashanti Coffee -- my friend David owns it; they grow the coffee on their farm in Zimbabwe and then ship it here to sell.  Very cool.)   Anyways -- while there, Chris spotted a pizza restaurant across the street that looked pretty good, so we headed over for lunch.   Detoured slightly when he discovered craft beer next door ;)   But after a quick purchase, we were back at the pizza place.  The "Gotta Eat Here" sticker outside also led to high hopes.  Went in and were seated.  The menu was painted on the table, which sort of amused me.  We read it and made our choices.  And then we waited.  And waited. And waited.

And eventually gave up and left.  Even took our time getting up and gathering stuff to go, but still nobody so much as said a word.  Awesome.

Back across the street, considering sandwiches from the coffee shop (which I'd already pegged their pumpkin pie for desert) when I noticed The Smoke restaurant next door.  Turned out to be another "Gotta Eat Here" -- this one BBQ style.  They sat us and the waitress - who was very cool - was over quickly.  Definite progress.  The menu was all kinds of yummy.  And the beer -- well it was giant sized ;)   Despite being nowhere near a normal meal time, the place was packed.  And we quickly discovered why.  So. Much. Tasty. Food.  And, to be honest, way more appealing menu than the pizza selection across the street.  Sometimes Plan B works out :)

Sheer quantity has to count for something
Sadly by the end, we no longer had room for the pumpkin pie I was craving, so we took our cameras and went for a photo walk instead :)
In another couple weeks the leaves will be stunning
Was fairly entertaining, although closer to fall weather than summer!  Eventually we decided the pumpkin pie could be to go (it was delicious when we finally had it the next day :).
We were watching this storm roll in
On the drive home we played tourist and stopped at this random store that I've driven by often, but always with a horse trailer.  It was a typical knick-nack store, probably not really worth stopping, but it still amused me to poke around :)

Inside was everything you'd expect :)
Overall such a nice random day.  All the surgeries and such have pretty well toasted the summer, so was really nice to get one in.  Even if technically I was supposed to be lying on my left side all day *sigh*  Ah well, one doctor said Friday, the other said Monday.  I figure we split the difference ;)

As for said surgeries -- the last one went well (apparently).  They put a belt on my eye (I'm not even kidding) that should help keep it in one piece.  Unfortunately it means the lens from the earlier cataract surgery won't be correct.  I'm a little bitter about that -- wish they'd waited till after all the retina stuff to do that.  Also, the oil they put in this time is heavier; it's supposed to act as a cast.  Evidently it has to stay in for 6-12 months!  Which means blurry vision till after that :(

But hey -- still better than the zero vision I'd have had without said surgery.   Working from home pt this week and then back in the office next week.   Fewer headaches this time around and no nausea.  Wicked muscle cramps (esp shoulders) from lying in one position all week.  I have a new respect for couch potatoes!  But otherwise should be good to go by Monday.


Insert foul language here

Every friggin long weekend this summer I've spent having or recovering from surgery.  Yes including the September one.  I am not even kidding.   I need a new hobby.

My eye had gotten to the point where I was slowly starting to get vision back -- the gas bubble was shrinking and I could see over the top of it.  Pretty excited about it and feeling well.  We'd had a family bbq and were planning a house is finished celebration (poutine bar!) for the long weekend.  And then all of a sudden, a grey cloud overtook my vision.  I got a wicked pit in my stomach and just wanted to cry.  All my vision was gone.  Again.  Grey rather than black, so part of me hoped maybe that'd be something else.  Part of me is an optimistic idiot.  Back to the clinic -- of course my surgeon is away.  Cause, well that's the way my luck goes.  Fortunately for me his awesome admin decided it was serious and fast-forwarded me through the line to see another doctor.  First doctor said she thought I had fluid in my eye and would need surgery.  Specialist confirmed -- fluid in eye due to another tear in the retina beside some scar tissue AND a new hole just for creativity's sake.  Awesome.  She said I'd need surgery within the week, but they didn't want to admit me like before because the OR was so backlogged people who they'd admitted were waiting for days, so better to schedule a time next week.   Sure - why not?  At least I'd be able to go back to work and organize things over a couple days.

Right, about that.  The fellow came in to look and promptly vetoed that.  Need surgery, will do it scheduled but scheduled for Friday (it was Wednesday afternoon at this point).  Oh, but no going back to work -- have to lie face down till the surgery to help avoid it being any worse.  Awesome.   This was not news I was happy with.  And then it was followed up with more -- they were going to put a belt in my eye, which would change the shape of it.  This should help keep it from re-detaching, BUT it will also make my snazzy new lens that I was so excited to be able to see out of, unlikely to work.  Fail.   Am incredibly disappointed at that.

So Thursday was all kinds of miserable, not gonna lie.  Friday went in for surgery.  Amazing waiting room -- all kinds of impressive.  Had a library and everything.  Admittedly more useful for Chris than me, but I was still amused.  Chris' description of the decor being a cross between his grandmother and Napoleon seemed about right.  You can picture it now, can't you?

Just a small example of the decor
Spoke to both the nurse and the anesthesiologist about my previous, less-than-pleasant, experiences.  So this anesthesiologist said she'd give me three anti-nausea drugs and would not use morphine as that can sometimes trigger nausea.  And, well, third time's the charm.  I was awake, or partially awake anyways, throughout the surgery.  Phasing in and out and able to answer questions.  I was in no pain (huge improvement over last time)!   And while hearing a saw start up when they're operating on your eye is a little creepy to say the least, overall it was a non-issue.  I've also learned to identify the sounds when they're using the lasers.  This is knowledge I would've been quite content living my life without.  Sheesh.

When I got up, first thing they did was give me more nausea drugs.  And the world was good.  My eye was sore, unsurprisingly, but there was none of the misery of last time.  Told they put oil in and the belt on.  Big boo on that :(   Oil means there'll be at least one more surgery.  I'm not really okay with that idea.  Both because I'm very tired of this game and because I'd really like to be able to be back at work.  I finally had things caught up and back under control after the last round and now this?  So not impressed.   They're being super supportive -- I just don't have the patience to be *that* person.   And the belt -- well that means no good vision for me :(   Ever.

So yeah, I was fairly disappointed at that news.  Follow up appointment on Saturday was a waste of time.  The doctor we met with was filling in (apparently the one we should've seen had an emergency - fair enough), and he had absolutely no background of the surgery at all and was asking questions of us he should've been the one answering.  He certainly wasn't able to answer any of ours.  Also slightly terrifying that he kept asking me to look right when I was -- obviously my eye was not responding the way it should.  Other doctors so far have been better at hiding that knowledge from me.  Very disconcerting.   And I've yet to meet the surgeon who actually did the surgery -- either before or after.

I have an appointment scheduled on Friday with the surgeon who did the second surgery -- I'm hoping to keep it and get him to look, cause of all of them I liked him best.   Now I have to go back to lying down -- have to stay on my left side for a week.  This sounds like it'd be a dream - forced vacation woohoo!   Except in very little time everything starts to hurt - shoulder, ear, and hip being the worst quickly followed by back...  I don't know how couch potatoes do it!  So frustrating.  Plus side, I'm not feeling horrible this time. Down side, that makes lying still endlessly more of a challenge.  Esp as I have very little faith in the doctor that gave us that information.

So as far as Google tells me, I've now had *all* the retinal surgery options out there -- some more than once.  I think, having had the complete experience, I'd like to consider this done now and move on with something else to blog about.  House hunting would be good -- somebody could just come buy our house and then that'd be a fun thing to blog about.

Speaking of -- we fired our real estate agent.  That story's not being posted, but is available upon request ;)   Agent we have now (and our buyer agent) both seem excellent.  So that's a relief.

And back to lying down I go.  Hope you're enjoying the last few moments of summer!


The next phase of our lives will be significantly influenced by this...

You know you want it...
It's DONE!   The house renos are complete!

Wish we could just relocate the house.  Kinda love this.
House is spotless. I'm not even kidding.  Dogs have been sent on vacation (any trip to my parents' place is pretty much doggy heaven) in an effort to keep the house clean and people from being scared off.   Seriously -- Sasha sheds at least one critter's worth of hair daily, and Tucker believes all blankets should be stored in little balls for him to sleep in.  He also believes people should not be permitted on his property or in his house.   As a result, Sash and Tucker have been temporarily rehomed (HUGE thanks once again to my awesome parents who not only agreed to look after them, but even drove out to pick them up!)

Master Bedroom
In the last couple days we:  finished the house, cleaned said house, had photos taken (thanks Joe!), signed an agent, listed the house, signed a buyers agent for Burlington, and had one showing of our house.  Today we meeting with the bank, have agent showing and one or two other potential-buyer showings.  

Super-snazzy bathroom
There's a sign up and a lock box on the door.  It's real.  Really real.  Super exciting and absolutely terrifying all at the same time.  Wish us luck!

Form a line behind the sign... 

Argh Matey

You know you've had a restless sleep when you wake up with your eye patch attached to your arm.  Admittedly a new experience for me, but sheesh.

And yes, I have an eye patch.  Sadly it's not a sexy pirate one -- rather transparent plastic.  Makes me feel all kinds of attractive getting ready for bed let me tell you ;-P

Quick eye update for those who've been asking (and thanks for your concern!).  At the one-week follow up appointment, the surgeon seemed happy with how everything looked.  Retina reattached.  There was a detail that part of the iris is tucked underneath the lens???   Ummm less cool.  But apparently I should not have any symptoms from that (ie the only way to know is to be an eye doctor of some form inspecting the eye).  Correctable with surgery, but not needed unless symptoms appear.  Only worrying because, well, my luck hasn't been good so far *sigh*

Anyways -- I'm allowed to be out and about and slowly start doing things again.  Cause, you know, I'm so good at that.  Tried to dial into work Mon/Tues and failed horribly both days.  Today woke up with pounding eye and head and deemed maybe I was being slightly stupid.  So I'm going to take the full week with no more than 1/2h a day dialed in (comeon, I've got to at least skim my email) and spend most of the rest of it lying around with my eyes closed.   *sigh*   I at least bought a lawn chair and dark glasses so I can sit outside.  So frustrating now though cause I'm back in the "feeling fine but can't do anything" phase.  Last week I felt so miserable I didn't *want* to do anything.  Less of a challenge ;)   Arguably this is improvement but still.  Ugh.

So if you're not seeing as much of me online as you'd hoped -- now you know why.   And if you're not seeing as much of me in person -- be glad, the eye is seriously disturbing to look at ;-P

That awful moment when you realize this is your circus and those are your monkeys.

It's been an interesting week...   To level-set, today is the first day I've felt well enough to write.  Or had any interest in eating for that matter.

Wed night in emerg, I was told the retina had redetached and I would need surgery.  So Mum and I trooped back out there to see the surgeon on Thurs.  It was quite the process, 5 steps in fact:
This was attached to the chart I had to bring to all the various people
And these steps were not counting the first sign-in or actually seeing said surgeon...   hahaha ah well.  On the plus side, they didn't put any drops in.  Woohoo!   So I could read most of the day.  I was in no pain, just tired and somewhat concerned at the severe lack of vision out of that eye -- the L shaped shadow had taken up most of my field of vision.

Eventually met with the surgeon and he confirmed the re-detachment (actually said the original detachment had healed quite nicely, but this was a new one.  Aren't I lucky?).   Said to come back tomorrow -- they'd use today as a baseline to determine if it was stable enough to wait for surgery next week, or if it was an emergency, in which case they'd admit me to the hospital to wait on a triage basis for an operating room.

All the people here were amazing -- friendly and willing to answer questions.  Even the surgeon took the time to introduce himself and asked me what was going on.  The contrast was dramatic to say the least.

I was told no food after midnight in case they did decide to do surgery on Friday.   So we went out for dinner at Fran's (50s style 'tons-of-yummy-classic-greasy-food' type place) that left me all kinds of full.  So much so that I forwent the pre-fast mid-night snack ;)   I mostly figured it was going to be a long, hungry, grumpy day -- after which I'd be sent home and told it'd be next week.  Especially when I woke up and my vision was pretty much as it had been on Thurs.

Except that by the time we were seen on Friday, said vision had noticeably deteriorated.  My L shape had become a horseshoe, and I had maybe a thumbnail's worth of vision left.  Very scary. Fortunately the photos they took and the tests they ran supported what I was saying and I was told that I needed surgery -- waiting till next week wouldn't be an option.

I was impressed the Fellow took the time to explain to me what he was seeing here
So I was told I'd be admitted to the hospital and surgery would be somewhere between 5pm and 5am that night.  I was a "B" level emergency, so would be bumped by an "A" levels (read heart attack, major trauma, etc) and that there was one other eye surgery in front of mine.   I was shown to another room where a different doctor came and did the same tests I'd had to get my GP to do before the first surgery.  Good to go for anesthesia.  I mentioned the issues last time and a note was made.  Then I just needed to pick up my paper work from the office and head over to the hospital.

Right.  Well there were a couple very loud people in said office making their displeasure at having to wait (despite not having an appointment) very clear.  There was only one woman there and she was doing her best to deal with everything.  Anyways -- we'd been waiting for a while when the surgeon walked by.  He paused and gave me a look.  "Uh, why are you still here?"  - Waiting for paperwork.  He pokes his head in the office and seconds later I have everything I need and directions to the hospital (you know, the giant building across the street).

So head over there, admitting sends us up to the 15th floor.  Take a look around and it's very clearly maternity.  Somebody has a sick sense of humour.  But sure enough, I'm in the right place, and they actually have a room for me.  Apparently this admitting thing is serious.  Semi-private room, but nobody in the other half.  Sweet.

Chris joined me about this point and Mum headed home.  Have I mentioned lately how awesome my family is?   And then it was all about waiting.  They had me change into full on hospital gear, did an EKG test, more blood pressure, took blood (no you're not going to be able to get it from the vein in my hand...  *sigh*   Sure enough, second try from my arm and even that took forever to fill the one little vial).  The usual consternation about my low heart rate and slow bleeding.  Normal.  All normal.  And they hooked up an IV -- my new boyfriend, George.  Which is probably a good thing since by this point it'd been about 24 h since I'd had anything to eat or drink.

Chris was smart enough to bring his laptop, so we had Netflix to keep us amused through the night.  I was really quite happy the nurses didn't kick him out once visiting hours were over.  They were actually pretty awesome.  I was really impressed.

Anyways -- about 4:30 it was time to go.  Gave me sexy little booties and a hair net to go with the snazzy gown and we were off...  I warned the resident anesthesiologist about my reaction last time, "oh we're just going to do a local"  Uh huh, that's what they said last time too...  Oh.  At that point they took it seriously and told me they'd also give me an anti-nasuea drug.  Sweet.  I also then met the second anesthesiologist, who's the head of the department.  Awesome.  Nothing but the best :)

End result -- those guys knew what they were doing.   I was awake for the whole procedure which was very cool.  Couldn't feel anything related to my eye, although my lower back was killing me and I would've given anything to be able to move (there was a table across my lap that stopped me from being able to move, and my arms were strapped down "so you don't help").  At one point somebody came in and asked how long remaining -- when they answered 40 minutes, it felt like forever.

Afterwards the surgeon went to speak to Chris and I was wheeled into the recovery area.  I honestly didn't care too much about my eye at that point -- it was numb, so non-issue.  What I cared about was that I was insanely thirsty and my back was killing me.  Talk about priorities eh?   But the nurses were awesome, allowed me a few sips and got me a pain killer.  And since I seemed to be keeping it down, a little more before I was wheeled back up to my room.

There I had some apple juice and Chris had found me some arrowroot cookies.  Best. Cookies. Ever.  But I was good -- no interest in being sick, so just nibbled.  Was actually feeling fine at this point though -- sitting up and hungry.  Not nearly as tired as I should've been.

And then all that changed.   You see, it turns out the anti-nausea drugs were good.  Very good.  But they wore off.   And then I couldn't keep anything down.  I was throwing up pretty horrifically any time I so much as sat up.  So I mostly curled into a ball and tried to focus on breathing.  Somewhere in there my eye and my head started pounding horribly too just to add to it.  But any pain or nausea meds they tried to give me just came back up.  All kinds of unpleasant.  And hot.  So hot.   Eventually (presumably a few hours) later the doctor came back for a follow up appointment.  I managed to stay sitting long enough for him to remove the bandage and look at my eye.  My focus was entirely on following his instructions ("Look left, look down" - these things are remarkably hard to do when you can't see and aren't even sure your eye is open), and trying to avoid throwing up.  I didn't actually hear any of his after-care instructions (yeah for attentive husband), and the second he was done I had to excuse myself to go be ill again.  Lovely.  Chris handled the Q&A part and by the time I got back the doctor was gone.

The nurses didn't want us to leave until the nausea was under control, but I *really* wanted to go home.  Making Chris wait there for hours for me to feel better just didn't appeal (not that he would've cared -- he was just trying to figure out what would make me feel better) and I didn't see that they could do anything for me my nice bed at home couldn't (yeah -- logic wasn't really my friend at that moment.   Did I mention how incredibly awesome they actually were?)

So home we went.  It wasn't a pleasant drive, but we made it and I curled up in bed.  Chris went and collected drugs and eye drops and various other things that were magically there when I woke up.  I just slept.  Woke up when I had to take drops and then went back to sleep.

Soon it was Sunday.  I was completely convinced it was Saturday -- not sleeping Friday night totally threw off my schedule.   While I didn't feel like eating anything, nor was I throwing up any more.  That in itself was worth celebrating.  We went home where I promptly went back to sleep.

My eye was all kinds of an ugly mess -- partially because it wasn't healed completely from the first surgery.  The ugliness, pain, and headaches are way worse than the first time around.  I also have a gas bubble in, so I have to always have my head either face down or be lying on my left side.  My awesome parents went and found me special pillows to support this -- makes a huge difference.  The kind of pillows you would've loved to build a fort with as a kid :)   On the plus side, I'm so tired and sore that lying there (even though it's now been days) has not really been a challenge other than muscles being sore from being slept on constantly.  On the down side, well, same sentence.

Yesterday I watched NetFlix all day -- this was a good sign as I felt okay enough to turn it on and watch.  It's Thursday now and it's the first time I've been hungry enough to seek out food (Chris has been awesome about making sure I eat; if I'd been alone, I doubt much food would've been consumed) and been inclined to spend more than about 2 mins on the computer.   It's also the first time I've been able to open my eye all the way (I think) and while it's horribly blurry (I was warned it would be), it does look shadow-free.   Cross your fingers for me!

On plus side, once the gas dissipates, I shouldn't need any more surgeries!  So in the long run, I could actually be healed faster with this than originally thought.  Which is sweet.  Gotta be some benefit right?

Okay -- I've had enough of having my eyes open for now.  Which means I'm not going to re-read or edit at this time.  Take it as you see it.  And be glad you can :)


This game isn't fun anymore...

Last Thursday I had laser eye surgery.  I know, sounds impressive right?  hahaha yeah, not so much.  Spent far more time in the waiting room and pre-appointment tests than in the actual "surgery" which took less than 5 minutes, required no special pre or post care, and I walked away from.  Only catch was I couldn't drive.

The point of this surgery was essentially to ensure the retina is affixed where it should be so when the oil comes out, it'll stay there.  Awesome.  They're planning to do it again next week.  The surgery itself was uncomfortable -- felt kind of like my eye was being squeezed tightly and poked at the same time, but so short it was really not tragic.

When I went in, I had a small shadow showing down near my nose, so the surgeon checked it and confirmed nothing to worry about *phew*.   He did say, however, that if the retina were to re-detach, that's essentially where I'd see it.   Any change in the shadow and I should come back in.  Oh, and he's on vacation this week.

You're not new -- you can see where this is going.

This week is the week I'm *finally* allowed to do stuff again.  And I've been responsible about it -- walking lots but not running.  Teaching but not riding.  Some basic exercises, but nothing with weight or that requires my head to be low.  Generally going along with whatever my eyeball tells me is okay.  And most importantly -- I can sleep lying down!   Woohoo!

And then we get to yesterday.  Work was normal, everything was normal.  Wed is usually date night, but Chris was working on the house so I thought maybe, just maybe, the stars would align and I could get in a sail.  And got super excited about this.  Checked in with the captain and he confirmed they were going out, but said may be no wind so might be more of a cruise than a race.  Actually perfect, since I wasn't convinced my body was up to racing yet anyways.  Not having to do anything and still getting to float out on the water in 35 degree weather would be awesome.  I haven't been out this year yet, no racing next two weeks, and then I have another surgery.  So probably my only chance.  AND no late meetings, so I could actually potentially get to Port Credit before the boat sailed at 6.

All good -- got out on plan, was heading to the train...  And suddenly started having real trouble seeing.  For those who wear glasses -- imagine one of the rims suddenly got very thick.  So down the left side of my eye and across the bottom was a thick shadow, slightly rounded.  Think a bubble-letter L.

Of course the first thing I did was take the glasses off.  Oops.  Significantly worse.  Fail.  Got on the train, moving around and trying to see what vision I had.  Got some weird looks from a random child and had to laugh -- suppose that behaviour really isn't normal ;)   Decided to just close my eyes and rest them for a bit.  Except when I closed them, instead of seeing the usual dark screen of the back of my eyelid, everything that had been shadow was suddenly glaring white light.  This can't be good.

Accept that there will be no sailing.  Clinic closes at 5 in Mississauga.  Train will pull into Oakville about 4:20.  It'll be close.  Called Mum and asked her to meet me at the station, so she did and we raced off to the clinic.  On the way I called them.  Oh, your doctor is on vacation and all the others have left for the day.  We can call you in the morning to arrange an appointment or you can go to emergency.

Awesome.  Thanks.  So debated the merits of this for a bit.  My surgeon had explicitly told me if I had any issues when he wasn't available to go to St. Mike's in TO.  This, when I'd just come from down town, at rush hour, was not even slightly an appealing suggestion.  Went to rescue my car from the GO station and signed in to finish off a few things from work.  Chris was pretty adamant I should go get checked, and to be honest, I really wanted somebody to look and tell me there was nothing to worry about.  The shadow changed in depth from almost not there (looked like I suddenly had a really big nose) to blocking about %50 of my vision in that eye.  And that part was scary.  But driving all the way downtown (and worse, needing Mum to come with me) to sit in a hospital for hours just for reassurance did not sound like a fun night.  But eventually fear and common sense won out.  If I went, and was wrong, I wasted a few hours.  If I stayed, and was wrong, I could end up blind.  This is not really a reasonable debate.

So Mum and I drove all the way back in.  Yeah for HOV lanes that thankfully are down to only needing two people.  Made the drive far better than it could've been.  Also amused by the cop on a motorcycle on the shoulder driving by checking HOV occupants.  That was sweet.

Went into emerge.  No line so saw the triage nurse right away and explained the situation.  She called somebody and told them to put me at the front of the line.  Ummm okay -- clearly we're treating this seriously.  Reception collected my info and I was sent straight back to the patient gathering area.  Had a brief wait in the hall before being shepherded into a room that had the usual assortment of eye equipment. Seriously the fastest trip through emerge I've ever experienced.  Unbelievable.

We were seen by a resident, who was quite cheery and personable, spent more time with me than my surgeon has in all my visits there cumulatively.  She escalated to the emergency room doc who came and they ultra-sounded my eye.

Yeah, I'm not even kidding.  Who knew?   This was a new procedure for me, and while the messiest, definitely the easiest from my perspective.  They had me lie down and close my eyes, then put a bunch of goop on it and rolled a machine around my eyeball, occasionally telling me to look various directions.  Completely harmless from my perspective, but really interesting since it was a teaching opportunity so the emerge doc was explaining to the resident everything he was seeing and what he was looking for.  Just wish I could've seen the pics at the same time ;)

 He didn't find anything with the ultra sound, but said any change like that in shadows is an issue and he wanted me to see the ophthalmologist.  So far, so good.  Pretty much going with the "you're fine, wasted evening, go home and get some sleep" theory.  The only down side to that one is it still leaves me with unresolved shadows in my eye, but sobeit.

We're led up through a locked "staff only" area to the 8th floor and told to grab a seat in the hallway and someone would come see us.  Okay.  There were a few other people hanging around so we joined them.  All the literature in the hallway was about dialysis, but all the conversation in the waiting room was about eyes so we figured we were in the right place.

Hours pass.  Slowly.  Very slowly.  People are moved to a different set of seats and then into another room to be seen.  Talked to people who had driven here from Peterborough and then others from Sudbury.  Suddenly my re-commute to TO seemed slightly less of a hassle...  It also seemed this was, in fact, the place to be to have an "eye disturbance" (as it showed on my chart) handled.

Eventually there are only 3 of us left.  More hours pass.  It seems there's one person working and spending about an hour with each person.  My phone was dying.  Fail.  Not that it really mattered since my eyes were blurred and I couldn't see anyways but still.

One got sent away with an appointment to go "across the street" tomorrow.  The next people went in and then we were alone...   It's a very different feel being in a place like that completely deserted.
Not even exaggerating.  Well except for the ghost.  She was cool.
Anyways -- it was eventually our turn.  Another resident, but this one had all the toys.  I was amused by one though -- you know the black disk they give you to cover your eye?  It looked just like that but had holes poked in it.  And through it, I could see!  Even with the bad eye I could read the letters on the wall.   I was super stoked about that.  hahaha it's the little things in life.   Anyways -- this doctor took a lot of time and was very thorough.  Have to say I was super impressed with everyone there -- especially when juxtaposed with the people I've been dealing with (think the Dr House of eyes).  She said she thought she saw a tear, but wanted the surgeon to look.  He, however, was currently doing surgery (this was after midnight) but would be back shortly.

So back to the hall we went -- us and one other pair were waiting to see the surgeon.  While we were waiting another person came in.  They saw the resident, the surgeon, and were out again in no time at all.  Not quite sure how they pulled that off.  But after they left, I could hear the surgeon talking to the resident about the admittance times on our charts and how this was totally unacceptable that patience be waiting so long and they'd have to do something about it.  Not aggressive towards her at all, but clearly annoyed with the system.

The other people went in first so Mum and I wracked up some steps pacing the hallway.  We were being pretty silly by this point -- very tired, hungry, thirsty, and cold.  The AC was something special there.  I should not be cold in a heat wave.  Sheesh.

Eventually it was our turn.  Surgeon reviewed my history with me and asked some further questions and then did some more tests.  Turns out there's scar tissue from the last surgery, and the weight of that has pulled the retina to re-detach.  They need to do surgery -- take the oil out, fix the tear, and then put either oil or gas back in.  Essentially the same procedure I had four weeks ago.  Starting over.  Frig.  So very not amused.

Not even slightly.

Went home, signed in to work (at now 3am) to let people know I wouldn't make it in the morning and fell in to bed.  Now off to see the new surgeon and find out the rest of the process.

Grounded

As a child, I always figured that one of the perks of adulthood was that I wouldn't be able to be grounded.  I now know differently *sigh*

The surgery went well -- or so the surgeon says.   I have no way of judging as the next one isn't scheduled until the end of August, and I won't be able to see clearly until after that.  However, the restrictions are making me feel like a grounded teenager.  Seriously.  No car, no horse, no activities, limited screen time.  Is that not the definition of grounded?  Add to it an inability to lift more than five pounds.  This one has been a challenge -- especially given that we're in the process of moving.  I'm pretty sure even my laptop ways more than five pounds.  It's not like I'm trying to break the rules; they just don't even occur to me.  Like bringing in groceries -- nope.

On the plus side -- I can focus for noticeably longer periods every day and the headaches have been much less lately.  And it was all kinds of nice to get to live with my husband for a week -- what a concept ;)   Back to work on Monday -- if I pull that off without a migraine strength headache I'll be good to go.

And that's enough screen time for me.  Have a good weekend!