Here there be dragons...

"I'm telling you stories. Trust me." - Winterson

#FridayFlash 38 and WAG - First day of the rest of your life

Posted by Lauren Cude Horsfall at 6/04/2010 12:27:00 AM
Possibly my shortest flash yet *g* Sometimes it's the little things in life that make all the difference . . . This is possibly my shortest flash yet *g* Let me know what you think -- short though it is, does it stand on its own? ------ The first day of the rest of your life "I think you may be the woman of my dreams; can I take you to lunch?" he asked the woman standing next to him at the lights with what he hoped was a boyish smile. Christina considered the attractive man, "So what traits do I share with the woman of your dreams?" she asked with one eyebrow raised, buying time to decide how to answer the unexpected invite. "You're energetic, as evidenced by the fact that you're out walking, you're confident and kind enough to humour a complete stranger hitting on you, and to top it off, you're stunningly gorgeous; like I said, the woman of my dreams." Amused both by the comments and by the fact that she found herself reluctantly flattered by them, Christina gave a slow nod. "So where are you taking me for lunch?" -------------


Labels:

11 comments:

Eric J. Krause
June 4, 2010 at 2:22 AM

Cute story. Yes, I'd say that stands alone as a story. When I was single, I never had enough guts to go up to a woman and try something that bold.

 
Jen
June 4, 2010 at 4:39 AM

Good for him. :) I have to say it was a gamble, but he did it.

Skipping heads between the first and second paragraph was a little unsettling but for the length of the piece it sort of works.

 
Cat Russell
June 4, 2010 at 6:17 AM

I think it stands on its own just fine, but you could use it as an intro to a larger piece. There is a beginning, a middle with a goal, and an end.

I enjoyed this. It was really cute and sort of sweet.

 
mazzz in Leeds
June 4, 2010 at 11:00 AM

I think it stands on its own, and the title adds another dimension to it, too.
It's got an uplifting end to it (here's hoping the guy isn't a serial killer or something!)

 
Lauren Cude Horsfall
June 4, 2010 at 12:48 PM

Thanks guys. This is a bit of a departure from my usual style so I really wasn't sure how it'd read...

Jen - that's a good point. I added that in at the last sec to try to give a bit more depth to a very short piece, but maybe I should've left it in just one voice?

 
Marisa Birns
June 7, 2010 at 10:30 AM

It does stand alone as a short story quite well.

The only suggestion I have is that in first paragraph you say that he asked, "...the woman standing next to him..."

And in second paragraph you have the attractive man "...standing next to her..."

Don't think you need to establish again that they're standing next to each other. :)

 
Lauren Cude Horsfall
June 7, 2010 at 11:45 AM

Good catch Marisa! Edited to reflect :)

Thanks :)

 
Susan Cross
June 7, 2010 at 12:45 PM

Short & sweet. A moment in time. To me that's what flash and micro-flash is about.

 
Anonymous
June 7, 2010 at 7:50 PM

Cute and sweet. It stands alone in my opinion. Just one of those brief encounters that might or might not change their whole lives.

And then if you wanted, you could explore those possibilities. :)

Nice story.

 
Unknown
June 8, 2010 at 4:53 PM

Thanks for posting this story. I really enjoyed it. It was one of my favorites this week. -TimK

 
Lauren Cude Horsfall
June 9, 2010 at 11:57 AM

Thanks all :) Glad you enjoyed it!

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)