Stupid *should* hurt.

So it was one of those days where self-doubt kicks in in a big way and I wonder what the frig I'm doing teaching people to ride when clearly I can't do so myself *sigh*. Now I realize that's just the devil on my shoulder and when Si does super-well @ the dressage show this wknd I'll be all happy again, but still -- for today, that was there.

Warmed up beautifully, but almost as soon as we started to actually work, things fell apart *sigh* There was really no connection on the flat. She was high and stiff and sticky and coming through just was not going to happen. Would've been a good day for a hack.

So we start to jump. Wheel of death w/ the jump at X (approach from E or B) and as I'm warming up over this, another fence is put just after H and just after F - both on angles. So the wheel has spokes -- several strides between going one way, 3 or 4 going the other way. And the center jump became an oxer (not huge by any stretch of the imagination).

Sienna was still high. Bad memories of our usual jumping methodology from several months ago. As I type this I realize that this shows how far she's come, but at the time it was just "how did we regress so far so fast?" and I know logically it's cause she hasn't jumped in a week and is feeling pretty full of herself, but after crappy w/u and knowing I wasn't riding particularly well, logic doesn't jump to the front of the thoughts.

So we're jumping around and I'll tell ya, 3 of the 4 ways of approaching that center one were no problem. But the 4th??? I couldn't see a spot if it were barking and sitting on a fire truck. And one time was particularly horrendous and led to us entirely demolishing the fence (a first for Sienna) and me sitting on the ground next to the wall (not a first for me!). hahaha Is it sad that that's the *second* time this week a coach has suggested to me that if I'm going to fall it'd be better not to do so next to a wall?!?!?! (to be fair, I didn't actually come off the first time!) Anyways wrenched my shoulder and banged my ribs up a little but not seriously hurt anywhere but my pride *g* Was a definite example of stupid should hurt though. I rode like an idiot, and I paid for it. Fortunately my pony, while a little disturbed by the whole thing, was uninjured. So we jumped around some of the easy stuff an tried it again. And again. And again. And eventually got the whole figure 8 working. Got to the point that Si was jumping really well and I, well I wasn't causing any harm. So we stopped there. But really, I never got my act together. Blah.

Did have to laugh though as in the SAME lesson I got told "to jump this horse, your position has to be perfect." And "you can't be perfect, and trying to be is detrimental to your riding." hmmmm tricky! The reason for the first is that she's tiny and incredibly responsive, so every slight movement makes a huge difference to her. The reason for the second is by aiming for the impossible, you continually set yourself up to fail, and then stress because you're failing, and so things get worse. Both make sense. Hard to apply both at the same time though! Aim for perfection; tolerate excellence. That's my compromise :) Unfortunately didn't even come close to either today but now that I'm done typing this, today will cease to exist and the world can go back to functioning the way it should!